Speaker 2: And then I feel really alone in everything that I do.

Speaker 1: I have no models.

Speaker 1: I'm a son of an alcoholic.

Speaker 1: I have no successful relationships.

Speaker 1: I have no successful relationships.

Speaker 2: Let me repeat perfectly to you.

Speaker 2: Did you get hurt, Teal?

Speaker 2: You come here to me.

Speaker 2: Hey, welcome back, everybody, to the Come Here to Me podcast.

Speaker 2: And it's a big Zen Teal episode, which I'm very excited about.

Speaker 2: We don't get to do them very often, which I'm, you know, not so excited about.

Speaker 2: So, yeah, look, as we promised, we're going to try and do what we call an affect assembly.

Speaker 2: Don't laugh at my sophistication.

Speaker 1: Say it in French and then just, like, cut it down to just saying moi.

Speaker 2: No, I like mon chou figui.

Speaker 2: And so, yeah, we're going to do an affect assembly today on me, just like we did on Teal in the last episode that was a Figs and Teal episode.

Speaker 2: We're going to try and start with my negative judgment of Teal and then see if we can work out everything that's happening and then make it a living, breathing experience.

Speaker 2: And hopefully watching me do it will be helpful.

Speaker 2: I'm not looking forward to it.

Speaker 2: As you can probably tell, my arms are already folded.

Speaker 1: You look nervous.

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're very happy.

Speaker 2: You even wore your Miss Frizzle dress.

Speaker 1: I'm just in full clown circus.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 2: Miss Frizzle glasses for those listening.

Speaker 2: Grace, Jesus, that's my daughter's name.

Speaker 2: Wow, that's problematic.

Speaker 2: Teal is in full Miss Frizzle fare, which I love.

Speaker 1: All the nerds are like, shall we?

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 2: Well, Miss Frizzle, my ultimate childhood fantasy.

Speaker 2: Like teenage fantasy.

Speaker 2: What was it I said to you?

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: You have to like, Teal bought a new yoga.

Speaker 2: See, look, I'm going to keep this off me.

Speaker 2: Just before we get started, Teal bought a new yoga outfit, like, you know, like the leggings and the top.

Speaker 2: And we're talking full matchy matchy.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 2: Is it full matchy matchy?

Speaker 1: It's full matchy matchy.

Speaker 1: It's a set.

Speaker 2: Yeah, but listen, it's not just like full matchy matchy to pastel, like pastel green.

Speaker 2: Right?

Speaker 2: It's like full, like, flowers.

Speaker 2: Like, boom!

Speaker 2: Like just flower, like multiple colored flowers on the bottom, multiple colored flowers on the top.

Speaker 2: Bam!

Speaker 2: There's a lightness in your face.

Speaker 2: Right?

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: You said to me, he saw me at the end of the hall and he's like, wow, you're really alive, huh?

Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2: That was my best attempt for a reframe.

Speaker 2: I didn't want to say that outfit is too much.

Speaker 2: You're going to frighten the other people in the yoga studio if you go, bam!

Speaker 2: Eight colored flowers, girl.

Speaker 2: Right?

Speaker 2: But I thought, yeah, you're really alive was a good reframe.

Speaker 1: That's a nice compliment.

Speaker 2: You are really alive.

Speaker 2: You're full of aliveness.

Speaker 2: I love it.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: That's only a distraction in my life.

Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 1: All right.

Speaker 2: Let's get down to business.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: So I've noticed in the last couple of days, you've been crap.

Speaker 2: I've been a crap spouse.

Speaker 1: Just crap.

Speaker 1: And I would like to talk about it because like we're laughing now, but.

Speaker 2: Why have I been crap?

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Well, look, you know, I've been firstly, I've been in a little bit of a work trench warfare feeling.

Speaker 2: Of course, I probably shouldn't be, but I've been in my like work emergency mode.

Speaker 2: I'm facing a life crisis.

Speaker 2: Like, you know, I do for no reason other than a traumatized person.

Speaker 2: But let's talk about between you and me.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: I was thinking about this when we like race down to do this.

Speaker 2: There is something I should process with you.

Speaker 2: Like I was just thinking, I don't think this would be.

Speaker 2: Well, let's see where it goes.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Again, I'm not going to be a wishy-washy-er.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 2: I'm going to be a flip-flopper.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Like just the fact that I know I haven't done anything crap today yet.

Speaker 1: The fact that you have something that you think.

Speaker 2: You've been very good today.

Speaker 1: I have been good today.

Speaker 1: Many would argue that I'm good every day, but some would obviously think that is not true.

Speaker 1: But like the fact that you don't just lay this shit down when you're upset, like right then and there baffles me and I have appreciation for it.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Well, so let me tell you.

Speaker 2: Let me tell you.

Speaker 2: So this is, it's a little weird for me because it feels a little bit more the wounding that you often have, right.

Speaker 2: Or like the upset that you often have with me.

Speaker 2: But so Logan, I don't even know what night it was Thursday night.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 2: On Thursday night, you, which I was very supportive of, went and met the ladies for ladies night.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Like drinking, eating body shots.

Speaker 1: Half a beer.

Speaker 1: Half a beer.

Speaker 2: Sexy surfer bartenders.

Speaker 2: Was it?

Speaker 2: No.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: But like, look, I was very supportive of you going.

Speaker 2: And look, here's the thing I asked you.

Speaker 2: The one thing I asked you is just text me.

Speaker 2: When do you have some idea about what time you'll come home?

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: I never texted you.

Speaker 2: No, there was no text.

Speaker 2: Nor.

Speaker 2: Was there any acknowledgement of said lack of texts when you came home?

Speaker 2: Like, Oh, I'm a lady and I've just been playing with my lady friends and I'm so happy with myself.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: So look, I didn't say it.

Speaker 2: Cause I really, the biggest thing is I am really happy that you went out.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: But.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: It's just, it's just like.

Speaker 2: It definitely touched the place that was very annoying.

Speaker 2: And then not to be piling on.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Well.

Speaker 2: Was the same thing.

Speaker 2: Let me just finish the second thing.

Speaker 2: There's a, it's a one, two punch.

Speaker 2: Sorry.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: So you, you know, you, I made this request.

Speaker 2: Would you consider me?

Speaker 2: And you didn't.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Even though it's a small thing.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Which is in and of itself, whatever.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: It's not a big deal.

Speaker 2: But then you decided cause you're in your social highness.

Speaker 2: Like awesomeness.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: You took off the next morning before me and the kids woke up.

Speaker 2: Paddling.

Speaker 2: So you were out all night.

Speaker 2: So not to.

Speaker 2: See, I feel really bad being judgmental.

Speaker 2: I'm trying to let myself.

Speaker 1: I want to, because listen, this is so valuable for me.

Speaker 1: I didn't even think about not texting you.

Speaker 1: And now you're telling me.

Speaker 1: Like, I mean, I know you mentioned for the kids, you're like, oh, it kind of sucks for the kids.

Speaker 1: Like maybe acknowledge them, but like.

Speaker 1: This is really helpful for me.

Speaker 1: Let's ride the wave.

Speaker 2: Like, so look, you didn't text me.

Speaker 2: Like, even though that's what I asked you to do, I didn't care what time it came home.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Like as long as you didn't bring Steve home with you, I was fine.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Steve the Bart, the surfer bartender.

Speaker 2: And then like, you know, and then, you know, while you're on your social pie, which I was delighted with, you took off before we even woke up to go paddling the next morning.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: I'm also very supportive of you paddling, but it just seemed like a double.

Speaker 2: Oh.

Speaker 2: You know, like.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: It totally makes sense.

Speaker 1: So let's we're going to do, We're going to do what's called an affect assembly where we kind of take.

Speaker 2: So yeah, that's the trigger, right?

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: That's the trigger.

Speaker 1: So we're kind of like, we have entered.

Speaker 1: Just imagine walking through the.

Speaker 1: You know, Auditorium or wherever you've entered a building and there's the elevator.

Speaker 1: So now we have entered into the elevator.

Speaker 1: The trigger was.

Speaker 1: I didn't figs asked me to text him when I was out to just give him a sense about my timing.

Speaker 1: And then on top of that, and I didn't, I, I didn't even acknowledge.

Speaker 1: I didn't text him.

Speaker 1: First of all, I didn't acknowledge him.

Speaker 1: Even when I came home.

Speaker 1: Exactly.

Speaker 1: And on top of that, I then in the morning, I just rolled into my next activity that didn't include.

Speaker 1: Kind of like a family reboot.

Speaker 1: And I know you're supportive of this stuff and sort of, but, but that it touched something for you.

Speaker 1: So we've entered into the elevator.

Speaker 1: Now we're going to do a push button six floor and it's a, we're going down.

Speaker 2: Well, yeah, but before we go down, I want to like, let's just go.

Speaker 2: Well, cause I think it's really good to separate.

Speaker 2: So what is the negative view?

Speaker 2: So that's the triggering event.

Speaker 2: But how did I view you?

Speaker 2: Cause it's a little complicated.

Speaker 1: Well, well, I'll get there.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 1: So we've, we've like pushed the elevator button.

Speaker 1: We're going to go down, but let's go down.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: So we've pushed the elevator button.

Speaker 1: And like, let's actually just kind of go down half a floor.

Speaker 1: So let's stay.

Speaker 1: And then we're going to kind of cumulatively go down through the different floors.

Speaker 1: Of your experience.

Speaker 2: Thank you.

Speaker 1: And the first one is like, let's stay.

Speaker 1: Cause I imagine like, I'd be losing my shit if you did that.

Speaker 1: And I would have all sorts of judgments of you.

Speaker 1: And it sounds like that stuff has really impacted you because it's made you a little tougher to deal with the last couple of days.

Speaker 1: Understandably, if you're feeling a bunch of feelings about it.

Speaker 1: So let's stay with that first experience of like, How did you judge me?

Speaker 1: Like, what was the story of me?

Speaker 1: What is, what was the judgment of, of me?

Speaker 2: Well, because this is where it feels a little, um, A little complicated, right?

Speaker 2: Because it's not in and of itself, me not feeling considered me, not feeling important.

Speaker 2: You isn't a huge trigger, right?

Speaker 2: So you, I thought you weren't considerate of me.

Speaker 2: But the bigger negative judgment of you, when I think of it is like, it's like hypocritical.

Speaker 2: Because if there's any behavior of mine, that's a hint to being inconsiderate and not prioritizing your feelings.

Speaker 2: You know?

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Exactly.

Speaker 2: And so this is the thing.

Speaker 2: Yes, of course it hurts to not being considered, but I think it touched some other like dark place that yeah.

Speaker 2: That like, Oh my God, if I like went out and told you, I text you and never texted you.

Speaker 2: And if I then the next morning was gone before you woke up.

Speaker 2: So this is like a line.

Speaker 2: Yes.

Speaker 2: I didn't feel considered, but it's actually this deeper thing, right?

Speaker 2: Like, so yeah, I judged you as an inconsiderate person, but it's the bigger judgment of you is I just felt it was hypocritical.

Speaker 1: So, so let's just be with that for a minute.

Speaker 1: And I really appreciate you helping me get it.

Speaker 1: I actually feel.

Speaker 1: I'm here.

Speaker 1: What I'm hearing is that.

Speaker 1: The like first rung, right?

Speaker 1: The half a floor down in the elevators is that I, I'm, I was a hypocrite.

Speaker 1: You're being hypocritical.

Speaker 1: You would, if I did this to you, you would be on top of me and look, you do it.

Speaker 1: You don't only do one thing, but you do kind of like three things.

Speaker 1: You don't, you, you, you tell me you're going to text me when you're out and just give me a sense of the timing.

Speaker 1: You come home and you don't even acknowledge, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1: I didn't text you or, oh, I forgot about that.

Speaker 1: So neither of those things.

Speaker 1: And then the third thing is just kind of rolling in to my experience the next day and not connecting with you or the kids.

Speaker 1: So that's right.

Speaker 1: So you judged me as being a hypocrite.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 1: And then, and then anything else, any other time?

Speaker 2: Well, just again, well, it gets me.

Speaker 2: And then I feel angry, like angry.

Speaker 2: It's feel strong, but really frustrated.

Speaker 2: Like annoyed.

Speaker 1: Before you go there.

Speaker 2: Like I'm trying to think, is there anything else?

Speaker 2: I think the most.

Speaker 2: Like inconsiderate, like, well, Well, I guess so here's the other thing is unreasonable.

Speaker 2: Cause I guess just because I don't trust.

Speaker 2: Like, like what I'm telling you now that, oh, by the way, I saw it seemed inconsiderate, but the bigger thing is that it seems hypocritical.

Speaker 2: Like.

Speaker 2: Is there, you know, we're doing it now as a podcast, but it can seem like, oh yeah, I'd really be able to look at you and tell you that and not go well.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: So, so I have this negative judgment.

Speaker 2: I don't, I can go like, well, there's no point in telling you.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Anyway.

Speaker 2: So that's like, let's say how would I label that judgment would be.

Speaker 2: I don't know.

Speaker 2: Unreasonable.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Unreasonable.

Speaker 1: I'm kind of scary.

Speaker 1: Like.

Speaker 1: Scary to, to.

Speaker 1: To tell me exactly.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: So.

Speaker 1: Just to make sure I'm keeping up.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: It's it's.

Speaker 1: It's unreasonable.

Speaker 1: It's hypocritical.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Hypocritical is the big one.

Speaker 1: Hypocritical.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: So should we just stay with that?

Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's the big one that unlocks, you know, if you don't like where, like, I think that.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: It feels really strong.

Speaker 1: It's like the other ones are a little bit more muted, but this one is.

Speaker 2: Not considerate and then hypocritical.

Speaker 2: There are the two, like, you're not.

Speaker 2: This is the thing.

Speaker 2: They are tied together.

Speaker 2: It's like you, or you demand consideration.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: And then, but you're not considering return, which AKA leads to this big judgment of like, you know, I don't want to do this.

Speaker 1: I don't want to do this.

Speaker 1: I think it's very scary to do what you're doing so that you can judge me as hypocritical and unreasonable.

Speaker 1: And like, Yeah, it seems like you'd be feeling some big feelings about me when you're feeling those things.

Speaker 1: Maybe you can help me get, get a sense of just like, how do you feel towards me when you judge me as unreasonable and hypocritical?

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Well, I feel disappointed in you.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: So we're going down to the next layer in the elevator here.

Speaker 1: So now we're just taking it.

Speaker 2: Frustrated with you and disappointed in you.

Speaker 2: Disappointed.

Speaker 1: Frustrated.

Speaker 2: Annoyed.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Frustrated, disappointed in you and annoyed.

Speaker 1: I'm just going to get a piece of paper.

Speaker 1: Like, like in sessions.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: So, so disappointed just cause I don't, I want to use your words.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Disappointed, frustrated.

Speaker 2: Annoyed.

Speaker 2: Annoyed.

Speaker 2: When I see you as a hypocrite.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: It's hard to say again.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Disappointed in you.

Speaker 2: I'm annoyed with you.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Frustrated.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: So.

Speaker 1: You know, I, you asked me to, to text you.

Speaker 1: I not only don't text you, I don't, you know, I don't mention it when I come home then the next morning I'm out before you or the kids have woken up.

Speaker 1: We didn't even really talk about that as being part of the plan.

Speaker 1: So it's all just like fodder for feeling like she is a hypocrite.

Speaker 1: She'd be all over it.

Speaker 1: And on top of that, she's super unreasonable.

Speaker 1: I can't even, Oh, I can go tell her.

Speaker 1: And like, like she'd really be able to be receptive of me.

Speaker 1: So as I feel that I'm kind of like frustrated, I'm disappointed with her.

Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: That's your judgment, right?

Speaker 2: You're Ms. Superior pants.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: I'm the one that considered and like, and so.

Speaker 2: Like that's it.

Speaker 2: That's the judgment.

Speaker 2: You're a hypocrite and you're walking around in your emotional superiority.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: Oh.

Speaker 1: And that sounds like it's really important, which is.

Speaker 2: I guess that's the hypocrite it's tied in with hypocritical, but it's a slight variation of hypocrite.

Speaker 2: And you think you're, you're emotionally.

Speaker 1: Do you think it should go in the first run?

Speaker 2: Like it was the first run.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: So let's, let's, let's flip up to that kind of.

Speaker 2: Hypocrite on your, your.

Speaker 1: Hypocrite.

Speaker 2: You're feeling all smug and superior.

Speaker 1: Hypocrite superior.

Speaker 1: And you know, it was so interesting, unreasonable.

Speaker 1: You don't want to forget about that one.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: You know, it was so interesting is you gave me a little taste.

Speaker 1: Of this.

Speaker 1: Two nights ago.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: Friday night.

Speaker 1: You said we were joking around and figs said something about, oh, You're miss superior pants.

Speaker 1: So you, I feel like you were.

Speaker 2: I gave you a little.

Speaker 1: You were kind of just.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Of my judgment.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: I didn't get it.

Speaker 1: I was like, oh, Superior.

Speaker 1: I am.

Speaker 2: You're like, well, of course, I'm glad you see me.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 1: Have you seen this?

Speaker 1: I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1: Whoa.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 2: And you're flowering.

Speaker 2: Yoga bands.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: All right.

Speaker 1: This is really helpful.

Speaker 1: So.

Speaker 1: When you see me as hypocritical, superior, unreasonable, you feel really disappointed with me.

Speaker 1: You feel frustrated with me.

Speaker 1: You feel super annoyed by me.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: And I guess I'm curious, like, what is it that you're doing on the outside when you're seeing me as these things?

Speaker 2: Well, look, in this case.

Speaker 2: I mean, look, obviously, you know, cause I have a, I don't know.

Speaker 2: They have a temper cause I, it sounds very self-judgy right now, but I do.

Speaker 2: But in this case, what I did is I said nothing on the outside.

Speaker 2: I didn't actually yell at you or shout at you.

Speaker 2: I didn't like it.

Speaker 2: I'll react.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: Explicitly.

Speaker 2: In this case, I said nothing.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Which is interesting.

Speaker 2: It's amazing.

Speaker 2: Look, when you came home, I didn't say anything.

Speaker 2: When you left in the morning, I was just like, like you said, I was like, it was a little harder for the kids and you might've realized for you not to be there last night and then gone in the morning.

Speaker 2: I never said anything.

Speaker 2: So the behavior would be I withheld.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: I actually just withheld the judgment.

Speaker 2: By the way, it's just so interesting now that it felt like that was a good thing I was doing.

Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: It felt like, oh, look at me not being reactive and critical, but.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 2: But now, you know, now, obviously two days later, I realized it.

Speaker 2: Or whatever it is three days later.

Speaker 2: I realized it may not be.

Speaker 2: As smart as I thought it was to not say anything sooner.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: I would help.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: I just said nothing.

Speaker 1: I'm holding myself back.

Speaker 1: Cause I'm feeling a lot of tender feelings for you right now.

Speaker 1: Just to let you know, just the.

Speaker 1: The quietness.

Speaker 1: It's like you didn't explicitly say I'm, I'm frustrated.

Speaker 1: I'm annoyed.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: I'm judging you as, you know, a hypocrite.

Speaker 1: You just were quiet.

Speaker 1: Exactly.

Speaker 1: And you withheld.

Speaker 1: So withheld that information.

Speaker 1: And then you kind of doubled down on that in internally.

Speaker 1: And you were kind of like, this is the, this is the.

Speaker 1: This is the hero's path.

Speaker 1: This is the right thing to do.

Speaker 1: And right now, as you're talking about it, you're feeling, or maybe the last couple of days.

Speaker 1: You're feeling a little sense of like, Ooh, was that the right thing?

Speaker 1: So I'm just reflecting.

Speaker 1: What you said, what you're saying, what you're helping me get.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: Well, we're going to come back and kind of organize all these pieces again, but let's go to the next rung.

Speaker 1: The next layer down, which is the big, right?

Speaker 2: This is really important, right?

Speaker 2: Because those first three is all the react to V stuff.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Strategy or like character strategy.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Oh my God.

Speaker 2: The camera's following again.

Speaker 2: Come here.

Speaker 2: Come here, camera.

Speaker 2: Turn off the auto focus or whatever the hell it is.

Speaker 2: Still following me.

Speaker 2: There you go.

Speaker 1: I follow you into a fire, baby.

Speaker 2: Thank you, sweetie.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 1: Listen.

Speaker 1: That's right.

Speaker 1: So the top layer is kind of the, the reactive stuff.

Speaker 2: That's right.

Speaker 2: Now we're moving into the bottom.

Speaker 1: Exactly.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: So I know, I know for you, it's, you know, this is, this is brave.

Speaker 1: Just, just like it is for our clients.

Speaker 1: Just like it was for me a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 1: And they would just like, let me hold you in this.

Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like physically hold you, but let me, let me just kind of like stay with you here.

Speaker 1: You don't even have to explain it to our audience.

Speaker 1: Just let yourself be there.

Speaker 1: Like as you are judging me.

Speaker 1: As being hypocritical, superior, unreasonable.

Speaker 1: And you feel really disappointed with me and really frustrated with me and super annoyed by me.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: And on the outside, you look kind of quiet and kind of withhold.

Speaker 1: When you're, when you're judging me as all those things and you're feeling so frustrated like that.

Speaker 1: And you're kind of holding all this stuff inside of yourself.

Speaker 1: What is that flavor of love?

Speaker 1: You are longing for or need deep down inside.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: No, it's a great question.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: And again, like, so here's the, and I go to them.

Speaker 2: I'm already judging myself as a intellectualizer.

Speaker 2: Withdrawer.

Speaker 2: But it kind of passes through.

Speaker 2: Obviously I didn't feel considered, but the reason I, the reason not feeling considered actually hurts this much is because I'm usually bad and unacceptable for being.

Speaker 2: Not considerate.

Speaker 2: So the deeper, deeper one is actually being good and acceptable.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: But if I pass through.

Speaker 2: The longing for consideration myself and, but the fact that I wasn't getting considered myself.

Speaker 2: It's like, oh my God, how come I'm never like acceptable.

Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

Speaker 2: So it really deeply.

Speaker 2: Touched at the deepest level, just.

Speaker 2: Like, I want to be good.

Speaker 2: Like, I don't want to be the bad one.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

Speaker 2: Belonging to be accepted.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: It really is like, it kind of goes.

Speaker 1: Back into that.

Speaker 1: Excuse me.

Speaker 1: But that.

Speaker 1: And hypocritical part of me.

Speaker 1: And that judgment of me, but then the inverse of that is you feeling like.

Speaker 1: You're feeling negative feelings about me, but you're really.

Speaker 1: Feeling like I see you in such a negative.

Speaker 1: So often.

Speaker 1: And so it kind of is just like, it drops into a really deep place of feeling just this longing to be good.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: I think it hurts because yeah, again, these are the kinds of things that if I did it, I'd be really bad.

Speaker 2: And I'd be getting a talking to about how bad I am.

Speaker 2: And so, and that really hurts, right?

Speaker 2: That's the core hurt place when I'm a disappointment, I'm not good enough.

Speaker 2: I'm unacceptable.

Speaker 2: But look, I'm fascinated with this myself because what brought it up was me not feeling considered, which, you know, but it's not, of course, I have a need to feel considered.

Speaker 2: It really matters.

Speaker 2: But I think it drops into this deeper need of like, this is where I like, I'm often not good enough.

Speaker 2: Like, you know, so I think, yeah, it's a, it does.

Speaker 2: Like it's a two level not consider.

Speaker 2: I want to be considered, but actually on a deeper level, I want to be considered because like, like, you know, you, it's so important to you to be considered.

Speaker 2: Like, I want to like, can't you see that I'm good enough.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: And so I think that's a, it touches on the, I want to be seen as good enough and good and acceptable.

Speaker 1: Absolutely.

Speaker 1: That makes so much sense.

Speaker 1: I mean, it's, it's almost like hard to, to like wrap my head around in terms of like reflecting back in words, I'm going to try it.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: But just that, that it's, there is the longing like that flavor of love you're longing for is to be considered.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: And almost like more importantly and more encompassing is this like kind of ache around feeling like I feel seen as bad a lot.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: And I really want to be seen as acceptable and good.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 2: I want to be like acceptable and good.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, it just makes so much sense.

Speaker 1: And I'm wondering, are there any judgments of yourself just as you're, as you're here?

Speaker 2: Well, here's what I noticed, right.

Speaker 2: Is like, I have, I'm already scared right now that I'm not going to feel my vulnerable feelings the way I'm supposed to feel them.

Speaker 2: And so.

Speaker 2: Like, I feel the judge, I feel that inadequacy did not enough ness like right now.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Like I noticed, right.

Speaker 2: As soon as we started to go to be below the line stuff, you turn your body towards me, you get closer.

Speaker 2: And you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: Which is no, but listen, it's not a bad thing, but I just want to like, but it, like, I can, I already feel the expectation that I'm.

Speaker 2: Going to now I'm supposed to, I'm going to have to feel vulnerable feelings.

Speaker 2: And so even right now, as we're doing it, I'm already feeling the fear of being inadequate.

Speaker 2: So do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: I'm scared that I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: And, and I hear you, it makes sense.

Speaker 1: And you know, that body language stuff.

Speaker 1: You heard me explicitly say, like, just let me hold you.

Speaker 1: Let me stay with you.

Speaker 1: So it's kind of your own feelings of like, am I going to get this?

Speaker 2: Look, am I going to be able to be held?

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: And that's where, you know, I can get scared.

Speaker 2: I'm not going to be lovable enough.

Speaker 2: I'm not going to be vulnerable enough the way someone's supposed to be.

Speaker 2: I'm not going to do it right.

Speaker 2: Right now, even as we're talking about how I can be scared, I'm not enough.

Speaker 2: I'm worried.

Speaker 2: I'm not enough right now, even processing how I can feel like I'm not enough.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: So it's like, yeah, so it's just, you know, it's, so it gets real confusing quite quickly.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: It's really core, a core place that gets touched and makes, makes sense that you, you want to get this right.

Speaker 1: And you're worried you're not going to.

Speaker 1: So the judgment of your self is kind of in the, like, am I getting this right?

Speaker 1: And I'm worried I'm not going to.

Speaker 1: So then it kind of maybe goes back up into a judgment of me.

Speaker 1: Like it's still going to be disappointed.

Speaker 2: Well, well, that's right.

Speaker 2: Like, but you know, it's so funny in a moment like this.

Speaker 2: So I just want to be clear.

Speaker 2: I never think of it as a judgment of you.

Speaker 2: It's more, I'm scared.

Speaker 2: And in a moment like this, I don't think of it as a judgment of you being disappointed in me.

Speaker 2: I'm scared that you're going to be disappointed in me.

Speaker 1: I was just, I want to hear what you're saying.

Speaker 1: I'm just going to start looking at the screen because I think it can be a I'm happy for you to go to notice that I get really scared that I'll disappoint you even now.

Speaker 2: Like even now I get scared that I won't process my feelings.

Speaker 2: Well, just as the reality, right.

Speaker 2: Of what it's like for the, which are I'm scared.

Speaker 2: I'm not going to process my feelings.

Speaker 2: Good enough to make you feel met right now.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Well, and, and I just appreciate you naming that, because I think it's brave.

Speaker 1: I think just kind of doing a little like this journey with me and I'm your partner, I'm not your therapist.

Speaker 1: And.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: You know, like we're, we're hitting some core stuff.

Speaker 1: And so let's just go back through what we know about this.

Speaker 1: Very interesting kind of beautiful cycle.

Speaker 1: That's.

Speaker 1: You know, complex and deep.

Speaker 1: We've now taken the elevator down several levels and we're going to kind of go back up and, and do a little bit of consolidation here.

Speaker 1: And then we'll see if I'm getting it right.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: Okay, great.

Speaker 1: So I'm not great, but when I didn't text you back and when you had asked me so sweetly, if I would check in with you and give you a little time update when I was out with the ladies.

Speaker 1: That really impacted you.

Speaker 1: And it was kind of like.

Speaker 1: Kind of, there was a couple of different layers there.

Speaker 1: I came home.

Speaker 1: I didn't say anything about it.

Speaker 1: I didn't acknowledge it.

Speaker 1: And then the next morning at dawn.

Speaker 1: I was off again.

Speaker 1: And that was really frustrating.

Speaker 1: And you judged me as being hypocritical.

Speaker 1: Superior pants.

Speaker 1: And unreasonable.

Speaker 1: And when you, when you judge me as those things, you felt really disappointed with me.

Speaker 1: You felt frustrated with me.

Speaker 1: You were super annoyed with me.

Speaker 1: And on the outside, you.

Speaker 1: Kind of got quiet.

Speaker 1: And, and withheld this information and sort of told yourself, that's the righteous path.

Speaker 1: And.

Speaker 1: As we were kind of with that part, we were, we were connecting in with, maybe what was the longing that was deep down inside.

Speaker 1: And when we went there together just now, what we discovered is actually the longing.

Speaker 1: Yes, it was to be considered.

Speaker 1: And it was really just to feel acceptable.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 1: And that you're kind of, you were sort of hurting about all the other times where you've gotten the message that you don't do it right.

Speaker 1: And.

Speaker 1: Exactly.

Speaker 1: And that's really, really tough.

Speaker 1: So.

Speaker 2: And it's a scary place.

Speaker 1: And it's a scary place.

Speaker 2: For me.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 2: I just noticed I got really scared even.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Right now.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: You got really scared, scared with me.

Speaker 1: Just even sharing that.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 2: That I'm.

Speaker 2: And then, yeah, and this is like, even right now talking about it, I'm at risk of disappointing you.

Speaker 2: Like I'm.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: And even just the processing it heightens the possibility of me not being acceptable.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: Yes.

Speaker 1: So it's really, it's, it's an act of bravery, encouraged to even just go down and you're feeling really scared about it.

Speaker 1: And.

Speaker 1: Do you have judgments of yourself in that and where we kind of.

Speaker 1: Found.

Speaker 1: Do you want to just answer that part again?

Speaker 2: Well, again, it's just.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: I just said, look, I have judgment that an enough person, an acceptable person would be able.

Speaker 2: To talk about.

Speaker 2: All of this without getting scared.

Speaker 2: That.

Speaker 2: They're a disappointment.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: Yes.

Speaker 1: That I'm scared is actually an indication.

Speaker 1: I'm inadequate.

Speaker 2: Well, it's unacceptable.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: You know, we were always doing present moment processing.

Speaker 2: Like I, you know, the way you were turned towards me and everything.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: And then I told you that it's actually scary for me.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: You stop turning towards me.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: And so this is my interpretation of that.

Speaker 2: Is that it's not okay for me to be scared that you're going to now stop trying to be close to me.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Because me being scared of you trying to be close to me is unacceptable.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: Exactly.

Speaker 1: I do.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: It's kind of like, it's really.

Speaker 1: You can tell it like hits all these core places.

Speaker 1: And it would make sense that, you know, your partner wouldn't be your therapist because as a therapist, I move away from people to let them know, like, look, it's really okay to have your space.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: But again, like even you just telling me that right now, like when you, when you, when you moved away from me, when I said that I was scared, like that impacted me.

Speaker 1: I think we can just see what.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Like a hallowed ground.

Speaker 1: This is pretty fertile.

Speaker 1: So.

Speaker 1: Let's have you do what's called an enactment where you just tell me that stuff.

Speaker 1: Do you want me to kind of reflect back to you again?

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 2: Let's try and keep it.

Speaker 1: We'll keep it concise.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Keep the judgment of you small.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Cause it's the deeper stuff.

Speaker 1: I want to make sure.

Speaker 1: Okay, great.

Speaker 1: So.

Speaker 1: On the outside, you judge me as superior.

Speaker 1: As hypocritical and as unreasonable.

Speaker 1: And when I, when I, when you judge me at those things, you feel really disappointed in me.

Speaker 1: You feel annoyed and you feel frustrated with me.

Speaker 1: On the, and then on the outside, you can look quiet and kind of withholding.

Speaker 1: And we, we discovered that on the inside.

Speaker 1: You are actually longing for consideration, but you're actually longing for something much bigger than that, which is around, am I just an acceptable person?

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: And, and that it was really scary.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: To feel those feelings with me, even right now, or especially right now that you kind of judge yourself.

Speaker 1: If I was.

Speaker 1: You know, it's a different type of person.

Speaker 1: I wouldn't get scared around this.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 1: Can you.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: So.

Speaker 2: Teal.

Speaker 2: I did judge you.

Speaker 2: As inconsiderate.

Speaker 2: Hypocrite and this superior pants.

Speaker 2: And I was frustrated with you and disappointed in you.

Speaker 2: I'm annoyed with you.

Speaker 2: And what I did is I didn't do anything I would held.

Speaker 2: Like sharing that with you.

Speaker 2: Not even consciously.

Speaker 2: That's what I did.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: But.

Speaker 2: You know, the truth is I did end up feeling not considered.

Speaker 2: And.

Speaker 2: Why would, and the reason that not considered really mattered is I think this, like.

Speaker 2: Often I feel I'm, I'm seen as not considerate.

Speaker 2: And so.

Speaker 2: It touched a place in me where I don't feel like I'm acceptable.

Speaker 2: I'm not good.

Speaker 2: And when I don't feel good enough.

Speaker 2: And acceptable.

Speaker 2: It feels really like a scary place inside of me.

Speaker 2: And I feel I actually judge myself as not good.

Speaker 2: And unacceptable.

Speaker 2: And it's really hard to believe, even.

Speaker 2: Like I was telling, like, when you were asking me all these questions.

Speaker 2: It ends up bringing me in touch deeply with a feeling of I'm inadequate.

Speaker 2: I'm not good enough.

Speaker 2: Like.

Speaker 2: And I get, you know, hypersensitive to seeing like you're probably disappointed in me right now.

Speaker 2: So, yeah.

Speaker 2: That's all that's happened.

Speaker 2: I mean, like literally as I'm saying it now, I sound like, Oh my God.

Speaker 2: Like.

Speaker 2: You know, this self-judgment is really up right now.

Speaker 2: Like did like six complicated.

Speaker 1: Well, hold on.

Speaker 2: I'm in self-judgment right now.

Speaker 1: So, and that was going to be my next question is like, what was, what's this like for you?

Speaker 1: Like, what's it like.

Speaker 1: To just share it back with me.

Speaker 1: Again, it's brave to even put your partner, like straight up.

Speaker 1: Here's how I judge you.

Speaker 1: And then on top of that, the real that's kind of the above the line stuff.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: The below the line stuff, as we take that elevator down and down and down, we hit some really, of course.

Speaker 1: What I identify as really brave and really beautiful and really lovable parts of yourself.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Which I'm a little scared to share with you.

Speaker 1: Cause I know you feel a lot of judgment of yourself.

Speaker 1: Like to be close, but not to be too close.

Speaker 1: But like, that's just my, I can't hold it back.

Speaker 1: That's just real.

Speaker 1: I just think.

Speaker 1: Even like you saying this.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Like you helping me get a sense.

Speaker 1: It's so fucking scary for me.

Speaker 1: And I'm so worried about disappointing you, even in these moments or especially in these moments.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 1: I'm like, I so long to be acceptable.

Speaker 1: And, you know, something happens where you're not considerate of me.

Speaker 1: Like it really.

Speaker 1: Touches all the parts where I'm actually saying, Hey, I'm.

Speaker 1: I'm hurting from all those experiences of feeling like I was not acceptable for you.

Speaker 1: Teal.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: And so, yeah, you, you judge me.

Speaker 1: You're superior.

Speaker 1: You're.

Speaker 1: You know, you're.

Speaker 1: Unreasonable.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: You're a hypocrite.

Speaker 1: I'm frustrated with you.

Speaker 1: I'm annoyed with you.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: I mean, I don't feel that right now, but I hear you.

Speaker 2: You're right.

Speaker 2: I am.

Speaker 1: You're right.

Speaker 1: And I'm kind of like, right.

Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: I'm not a very good with.

Speaker 1: You're kind of.

Speaker 2: Grumpy with.

Speaker 1: Of course you're grumpy.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Like if you're, if you're, if you're grumpy, like, that's the least.

Speaker 1: You're barely showing like ripples of the like tidal wave that's happening inside to feel like, man, I feel like I'm unacceptable all the time for you.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: Like now you want to go do this?

Speaker 1: Like.

Speaker 1: It'd be really nice to be accepted myself.

Speaker 1: It'd be really nice to be able to feel yes.

Speaker 1: Considered, but also like not a total disappointment all the time.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 2: By the way, it's just amazing.

Speaker 2: I just amazing.

Speaker 2: How.

Speaker 2: Look, you're doing an amazing job at empathizing with me.

Speaker 2: I really feel it.

Speaker 2: I can see it.

Speaker 2: And I'm just really aware of the part of me that it does.

Speaker 2: Like there's a part of me that it's just unimaginable that it's acceptable for me to feel this way.

Speaker 2: Like, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: Like you're doing such a great job.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Empathizing with me.

Speaker 2: I really have a part of me.

Speaker 2: Like it's so big.

Speaker 2: It's so strong.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: It's like so stubborn.

Speaker 2: Like I can see, and of course it's, and it's not appropriate or it's, and like, it's still, it's so unacceptable that I don't just melt into, Oh my God, I'm accepted right now.

Speaker 2: Like, there's some part of me that's still is completely convinced.

Speaker 2: That it's unacceptable that I feel this way.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: You know, like it's amazing, but like, I'm really tracking everything you're saying and you were empathizing so perfectly.

Speaker 2: And then I'm aware of like, my God, I really have a part of me that, that I can't let that in.

Speaker 2: It's right.

Speaker 2: Unbelievable.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: And that is the moment.

Speaker 1: So there'd be so many instances, like maybe you guys out there watching and you're like, Oh my gosh, like how can you not just reassure him right now?

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: Tell him like, you know, whatever, like, I just want to say I hear you and it makes sense.

Speaker 1: And I'm not going to try to make that go away.

Speaker 1: And in fact, I even just think you saying that, Whoa, you're touching it.

Speaker 1: You're there.

Speaker 1: You're kind of on the perimeter and.

Speaker 1: I double down or it's kind of unreached.

Speaker 1: There's like a kind of unreachable part.

Speaker 1: Like I think, I think that in and of itself is amazing.

Speaker 2: It's amazing.

Speaker 2: I know it is amazing.

Speaker 2: So by the way, let me just say why it's amazing for me.

Speaker 2: Just to be clear, it's just that it helps me feel that you can see the part of me that cannot feel acceptable and you don't need to change.

Speaker 2: You don't need to change this part of me is actually.

Speaker 2: That actually gives me like a, okay.

Speaker 2: Like, because I, that is part of who I am.

Speaker 2: And it is sad for me.

Speaker 2: It's sad for you.

Speaker 2: And just the fact that you could actually let that part of me be here and not try and change it is actually feels really nice.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Oh, I love that.

Speaker 1: Well, what, what, what, what FIGS is saying, what you're saying is that you're noticing like, Oh my God, it's happening right now.

Speaker 2: Exactly.

Speaker 1: But that instead of being like, you know, it'd be so easy.

Speaker 1: Right.

Speaker 1: It's so compelling to reassure.

Speaker 1: You really are.

Speaker 1: From all the things or, you know, don't go there.

Speaker 1: Like whatever it is, but like, just notice that.

Speaker 1: Some acceptance.

Speaker 1: Some of, I don't, I don't need us to.

Speaker 1: To, you know, trespass on this kind of like sacred traumatic core place.

Speaker 2: Which is beautiful though.

Speaker 2: Cause you're actually.

Speaker 2: It's not just that you're not trespassing on it.

Speaker 2: You're accepting.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: You're welcoming and accepting the fact that I feel this way with kindness.

Speaker 2: As opposed to trying to change it.

Speaker 2: And it's, it's really, it's really, well, I like it.

Speaker 2: Thank you.

Speaker 1: You're welcome.

Speaker 1: You're welcome.

Speaker 1: And I like that.

Speaker 1: Like, it's not just, It's not about trespassing and it's kind of like looking at it and just saying, Hey.

Speaker 1: Like.

Speaker 1: Right on.

Speaker 1: I accept this.

Speaker 1: I mean, your aches are my aches.

Speaker 1: And I feel so protective of you and anything that's happened in your life that has created that feeling.

Speaker 1: I feel like I'm going to bulldog and I will chew out whatever that is, but.

Speaker 1: You know, that's, that's beside the point.

Speaker 1: The more important thing is right now, just through my love and acceptance.

Speaker 1: You know, that there's something that can make.

Speaker 1: Like tiny bit one cell in the body.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 1: So I just want to say.

Speaker 1: That's pretty amazing.

Speaker 1: Thanks for sharing with me.

Speaker 1: And it's brave and it takes, it takes a lot of courage to do this.

Speaker 1: It's not easy.

Speaker 1: And.

Speaker 1: I just think you were so you're so on, like you're so just able to be with yourself.

Speaker 1: And, you know, and I know you're conscious of me, like I feel are kind of merging and you're independent.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: My hope, honestly, if it's okay to say this, like, I feel.

Speaker 2: Like having this discussion.

Speaker 2: Like I'm really hoping it just.

Speaker 2: Peels back one more little layer for you of just how bad I feel when you're disappointed in.

Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

Speaker 1: It really does.

Speaker 1: And just by the way, for the folks back home, all that does for me, like it's not altruistic and we're going to end pretty soon, but.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: What that does for me is it just, it hits me in the places that I can feel so unlovable.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 1: And makes me realize.

Speaker 1: So much.

Speaker 1: And you guys can feel so unacceptable.

Speaker 1: He met.

Speaker 1: I, my opinion matters so much.

Speaker 1: And I'm always telling myself.

Speaker 1: I don't matter.

Speaker 1: I don't matter to him.

Speaker 1: I don't matter to him.

Speaker 1: And I've got all my action strategies and action tendencies.

Speaker 1: I should say in strategies, but.

Speaker 1: You know, all that stuff.

Speaker 1: Comes up and it makes me feel.

Speaker 1: I'm telling myself something.

Speaker 1: Like way bad about myself.

Speaker 1: And on the outside, it looks like really critical of you.

Speaker 1: And what you're telling me is, Hey, those times.

Speaker 1: I might not flinch.

Speaker 1: I might not like.

Speaker 1: Look like it's hurting all the time, but it really hurts me.

Speaker 2: It really hurts.

Speaker 1: It really hurts.

Speaker 1: And that just makes me feel like, Oh, of course I go bad about myself, but I also just feel like, wow, you really love me.

Speaker 1: You really care what I think.

Speaker 2: I really do.

Speaker 2: And I'm glad.

Speaker 2: It makes me happy and feel like better to know that.

Speaker 2: Hopefully you get it.

Speaker 2: Just a little bit more.

Speaker 1: I do.

Speaker 2: That you really matter.

Speaker 2: And I feel more accepted.

Speaker 2: Nor understood.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: That was a barrel of laughs.

Speaker 2: I'm like sweating bullets.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: I pooped myself.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: So.

Speaker 2: And that was good.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 1: Hope you go.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: That was the real about.

Speaker 2: Listen or watch.

Speaker 2: It was real.

Speaker 2: Thank you.

Speaker 1: Good work.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: You guys.

Speaker 1: So listen.

Speaker 1: Go home.

Speaker 1: Think about it.

Speaker 1: Integrate.

Speaker 1: Get us.

Speaker 1: What is your experience?

Speaker 1: Like do a little bit of this yourself.

Speaker 1: Like what's.

Speaker 1: So how am I judging my partner?

Speaker 1: What's actually going on inside.

Speaker 1: What's that flavor of love I'm longing for.

Speaker 1: What's that flavor of love I'm longing for.

Speaker 1: Like do a little bit.

Speaker 1: Consider.

Speaker 1: A little bit of some of these loops that you just saw figs so beautifully.

Speaker 1: Like he, he went on that elevator down.

Speaker 1: And now we're going to come on the elevator back up.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 1: And like.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Beautiful.

Speaker 2: Fat balding.

Speaker 2: White man.

Speaker 2: Right.

Speaker 2: Like it's beautiful.

Speaker 1: I just want to say.

Speaker 1: That's hot.

Speaker 1: Whatever you are.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: Let's be clear.

Speaker 2: No, that was really sweet.

Speaker 2: And really good.

Speaker 2: Thank you.

Speaker 1: You're welcome.

Speaker 2: Love you.

Speaker 1: Thank you.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Couples therapy for us without a therapist.

Speaker 2: Oh, who knew what we had to do.

Speaker 2: Recorded.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 1: Okay.

Speaker 2: Thank you listeners and viewers.

Speaker 2: We'll be back with another episode.

Speaker 1: More lights.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Let's get a towel.

Speaker 2: Cool down.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker 2: Bye.

Speaker 2: Thanks for listening.

Speaker 2: Thanks for watching.

Speaker 2: Bye.

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