Pursuer Problems

Relationship Experts Walk The Talk: What can YOU do to improve your relationship when you're the one who doesn't feel prioritized? Teale boldly goes where no "Pursuer" in relationship dares…

February 2, 2023
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Pursuer Problems

Relationship Experts Walk The Talk: What can YOU do to improve your relationship when you're the one who doesn't feel prioritized? Teale boldly goes where no "Pursuer" in relationship dares…

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In "Pursuer Problems" Figs asks Teale to model moving from a negative "story of other" (blaming and criticizing your partner) to a self-compassionate "story of self" from the perspective of a "Pursuer" in the relationship. 

As a Pursuer, Teale is usually more sensitive to feelings of being left alone, abandoned, and not prioritized by her partner. In couples therapy sessions, the Pursuer partner tends to have a harder time letting go of the negative view of their partner because their "pursuit" of closeness is seen as a sign of love, while a Withdrawer's distance is attributed to apathy. 

But, as Figs and Teale discuss, recognizing that each partner co-creates a negative system together is an essential part of relationship repair.

Teale recognizes this, but to understand it deeply she must start with herself—move from blaming Figs to examining which "Flavor of love" she is not getting and how it hurts. Then, she can share that vulnerable story with Figs and together they can build on it to create a shared narrative which includes Figs' experiences.

Relationship Experts Walk The Talk is a deep dive into the struggles, cycles, and joys of relationship from couple and counselors Figs and Teale. Learn how to repair conflict and understand each other through their personal therapy sessions, storytelling, and expertise as couples therapists.

To submit a question for Figs and Teale to answer, email figs@empathi.com or leave a comment on YouTube, Instagram, or Apple Podcasts.

If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for counseling, quizzes, and courses.

Transcript

FEATURED EPISODES

Understanding Conflict w/ "Rooster & Chickie"

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Defensive Dating

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Relationship Shame

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TherapyJeff's 'Healthy Relationship' Tiktok

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Early Relationship Betrayals

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Men vs Women in Relationships

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Feedback Failures

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Should You Diagnose Your Partner?

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Healing the Present in Please Like Me

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The Truth About Codependent Relationships

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How to Fix a Toxic Relationship

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Attachment in HBO's Succession

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Triggering or Toxic?

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Seeing The Negative Cycle

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Behind the Therapists

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Why He Withdraws

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Impossible Moments

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Back From Betrayal

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Breakup Empathy

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Pursuer Problems

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Married to a Workaholic

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Don't try this at home

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Into The System

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Unsupervised

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Attachment, A to Z

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Sexy Times

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Failure To Reach

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Sharks in the Water

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Parenting

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Reflections

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Both Sides Now

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Safe With You

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Do You See Me?

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Colluding

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The Process

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Reeling

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Hurry Up and Wait

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Cycles

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Too Much, Not Enough

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