In "Pursuer Problems" Figs asks Teale to model moving from a negative "story of other" (blaming and criticizing your partner) to a self-compassionate "story of self" from the perspective of a "Pursuer" in the relationship. 

As a Pursuer, Teale is usually more sensitive to feelings of being left alone, abandoned, and not prioritized by her partner. In couples therapy sessions, the Pursuer partner tends to have a harder time letting go of the negative view of their partner because their "pursuit" of closeness is seen as a sign of love, while a Withdrawer's distance is attributed to apathy. 

But, as Figs and Teale discuss, recognizing that each partner co-creates a negative system together is an essential part of relationship repair.

Teale recognizes this, but to understand it deeply she must start with herself—move from blaming Figs to examining which "Flavor of love" she is not getting and how it hurts. Then, she can share that vulnerable story with Figs and together they can build on it to create a shared narrative which includes Figs' experiences.

Relationship Experts Walk The Talk is a deep dive into the struggles, cycles, and joys of relationship from couple and counselors Figs and Teale. Learn how to repair conflict and understand each other through their personal therapy sessions, storytelling, and expertise as couples therapists.

To submit a question for Figs and Teale to answer, email figs@empathi.com or leave a comment on YouTube, Instagram, or Apple Podcasts.

If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for counseling, quizzes, and courses.