In "Triggering or Toxic" Figs and Karen discuss how to navigate relationships that trigger feelings similar to traumatic past relationships.

First, Karen emphasizes the right to decide for yourself—you always have the right to say that you don't want to explore the system you create together, that their behavior is too much for you to tolerate, and to walk away.

It is a couples therapist's job to help each of you understand the system and what is happening inside each of you, not to convince you to stay together.

Which takes us to Figs' point: when there is no physical violence, risk of physical violence, blocking exits, coercion, controlling people financially, etc.—when the behavior is scary because it's triggering, not because it's dangerous—exploring your system together is often worthwhile.

Sometimes, that means spending time with a client's sense that this is unacceptable behavior. The Empathi Method deemphasizes explicit behavior-changing, but there are times when there is no path forward for a couple without taking on this premise.

The goal, however, is not to remove triggers entirely from a relationship. If a couple can reliably recognize the cycle and repair after fights, deeper healing will occur because those triggers exist.

Ultimately, if you are able to go through the process to understand your cycle and each other with the right therapist, you will grow to better trust your judgment, regardless of your relationship status.