Seeing The Negative Cycle

Couples Therapy Works: Healthy couples work as a team against The Cycle… but how do they know they're in it? Figs and Karen break down the signs of and steps in the negative infinity loop that traps all couples.

March 23, 2023
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Seeing The Negative Cycle

Couples Therapy Works: Healthy couples work as a team against The Cycle… but how do they know they're in it? Figs and Karen break down the signs of and steps in the negative infinity loop that traps all couples.

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In "Seeing The Negative Cycle" Figs and Karen take a close look at the makeup of The Cycle, a concept from Emotionally-Focused Therapy.

A cycle is the negative "infinity loop" every couple inevitably encounters in their relationship, which shows up for partners as conflict they get into over and over.

Download the Infinity Loop Sheet

Figs describes it as a river that is always running underneath your house, but which only rises above ground-level from time to time. The emotional bonding dynamic in your relationship is ever-present, but is most easily accessed in moments of conflict.

To recognize that you are in a negative cycle, Karen suggests paying attention to the language you are using (such as "You always–" and "You never–"), and to what is going on in yourself (are you triggered or reacting with fight/flight/freeze/fawn behaviors)?

Figs explains that if you are experiencing any of the 4 quadrants of the infinity loop, then you are in a cycle.

These quadrants are… You are hurting, you have a negative judgment of your partner, your partner is hurting, and your partner has a negative judgment of you.

Each of these feed into and result from each other, and so if one of those elements is present, Figs emphasizes that it's highly likely they are all present.

All roads to a better relationship pass through "We are in a system together." 

Understanding The Cycle is the first step.

Transcript

FEATURED EPISODES

Understanding Conflict w/ "Rooster & Chickie"

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Defensive Dating

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Relationship Shame

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TherapyJeff's 'Healthy Relationship' Tiktok

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Early Relationship Betrayals

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Men vs Women in Relationships

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Feedback Failures

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Should You Diagnose Your Partner?

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Healing the Present in Please Like Me

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The Truth About Codependent Relationships

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How to Fix a Toxic Relationship

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Attachment in HBO's Succession

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Triggering or Toxic?

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Seeing The Negative Cycle

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Behind the Therapists

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Why He Withdraws

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Impossible Moments

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Back From Betrayal

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Breakup Empathy

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Pursuer Problems

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Married to a Workaholic

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Don't try this at home

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Into The System

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Unsupervised

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Attachment, A to Z

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Sexy Times

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Failure To Reach

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Sharks in the Water

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Parenting

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Reflections

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Both Sides Now

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Safe With You

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Do You See Me?

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Colluding

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The Process

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Reeling

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Hurry Up and Wait

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Cycles

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Too Much, Not Enough

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