I took the course after breaking off a long-term relationship to try to understand what went wrong. Figs lays things out really clearly. I definitely recognized my behavior and my ex's as relentless and reluctant lovers. And even though I had to guess what was going on from the ex's perspective, working through the course with Figs' relationship as an example gave me a MUCH better understanding of how we got so disconnected. I feel like I know myself (and strangely, my ex) better now and can move on with some clarity.I was going to give 4 stars just because it is tricky to do the course as a single person, but I think this kind of work is just hard, period.
Figs has created an easy way to understand the conflicts that you're having and begin to do something effective to change conflicts into collaborations. Yes, it takes some understanding of what you and your partner are doing that makes the pain and frustration, but Figs has made that clear step-by-step. He also gives you some tools to relieve the pain and join your partner in a deeper intimacy.
Figs' sessions and course were the things that turned the boat around for our marriage, which was pretty close to ending. My husband and I began going to couples therapy with Figs for a few sessions, then went through the online course, and are now continuing with therapy more well-equipped. The courses gave us a strong and positive framework for how to think about our conflicts as a system of inputs and outputs rather than any one person's fault. I really like that the course emphasizes that there's nothing wrong with your partner for being or doing the things that they do, and to stay away from pathologizing the other or trying to base a decision to divorce on the belief that if they can change partners they'll escape such issues. Figs makes it clear through his sessions and his course that if you don't properly learn to empathize and own your own actions in a relationship, it won't matter if your partner changes, the result will be same conflicts with different partners. His course is made up of about a dozen chapters which are driven by short videos, all very entertaining, comforting, while able to answer the questions and solve the issues that were at least front of my mind. I found myself looking forward to going on to the next video after each one, looking forward to doing the exercises, and eager to ask him questions and do follow up research. Figs provides short homework assignments that are very targeted and interesting while being relevant to the skill building. He also provides additional links to resources at the end of each short chapter for people who want to learn more. I would highly recommend the course, and of course, the one on one therapy if you can do that after.
